A Couple of Halfwits
by Inkstain
Summary: *Slash* Clex. Corn fields in Kansas make you do funny things... (I know it doesn't sound it, but it *is* angsty romantic goodness!)
1. Denial

Disclaimer; If I owned them, do you really think I'd be here? A-no.

A/N: --this-- denotes Lex's thoughts. 

Reviews/feedback, as always, are very much appreciated.

And I know, the title reeeally doesn't sound like angst. But it is. Mostly... And, also, not only did the angsty bunny get me again (damn nibbly critter) but this turned out SLASHY - big letters in case you hadn't spotted that yet. *grin* So, and I mean this in the nicest possible sense, sod off now if you've got a problem with it. This was originally gonna be a Chlex, which is my 'ship; but this fic turned Clex-y pretty sharpish, which is my other 'ship. Do you have any idea how confusing it is trying to set sail on two 'ships? The views are nice from both, but I get so *tired* rowing back and forth...

Worth it though. :D 

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Part One: Denial  
  
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--I hate corn fields.

Stupid, stupid vegetable.--

Looking around him at the green eaves rippling constantly in the October breeze, a humourless smile alighted on Lex's soft lips.   
  
--Begs the questions what the hell am I doing here again, doesn't it?--

Same town, same field, same month, even; but a very different boy. 

Or perhaps not. Already he was resisting the urge to shut his eyes.

//'Luthor's are never afraid, Lex. We don't have that luxury.'//

But he was afraid; and god-damnit he had every right to be! Didn't he? He lost his hair, and his siblings, and his mother; and right now he felt like he was losing himself too. Losing everything he'd worked so hard to make himself be - steadfast; cool, focussed. That was him. *That was Lex Luthor. The man who'd been coerced into trying a cold chicken and peanut butter sandwich by beaming teen, 'because if you don't, you'll always wonder' - that wasn't him. Not *really*. And nor was he the man who'd bought a telescope with the pretense of looking at stars - admittedly so he could talk to the boy about it - only to swing it round and point it towards a little yellow farmhouse. 

And definitely NOT the man who'd chosen the truck for Clark in the exact shade of the jumper he'd been wearing that first time, when Lex's first thought after his eyes had fluttered open was how it set off the tan skin.

That wasn't him; that was someone else. 

See? 

--Denial is not just a corn field in Kansas.-- 

He could still do it; he could still achieve his goal of getting out of the shit factory, and pissing Daddy off as much as possible on the way. He just had to *focus*.

--No attachments, no problems, no ties. 

No smiling.--

Lex broke the head off a nearby stalk in anger. 

Clark made him *grin*.

He was losing himself. Losing Lex Luthor in blue, blue eyes and pretty mouth, matched by absolute trust, loyalty and innocence; and becoming that other man. The one who made his masseuse tut because he had new laughter lines on his face. 

It couldn't be. It shouldn't be; it had to stop. 

--I can't think like this. I've never felt for a *man* before, let alone a six-fucking-teen year old boy!--

It sounds like it should be funny. 

But its not.

--I can't let myself do anything; even *if* he could possibly want me. I'd fuck him completely.--

Lex squeezed his eyes shut briefly. Bad choice of words. 

--I'd screw- --

A groan. The corn stalk crumpled in his suddenly tightly clenched fist. Deep breath, Luthor.

--I'd *mess* him up. Mess everything up *for* him.--

It was true. He knew it; knew that he would.

--I always do.--

So he'd come out here to think. Ridiculous, he knew, that Here, of all places, should be where he could straighten himself out.

No pun intended.

And yet he has an affinity with this field; both lost their crop together - though his never grew back - and it seems as though it is the only real place where things stop. He needs help to sort out his thoughts, and he is not disturbed Here; the plants surround him in a vaguely protective, watchful sense, and the silence is almost respectful, allowing him to order his thoughts without hindrance.

It owes him that much. 

--Right. I can't, I know this. I just can't.--

And yet he wants to. 

--Oh, godddd, I want to.--

Expensive pants and jacket be damned, the young man sat heavily down onto the soft earth, lowering his head to his knees and clutching his head in his hands. The lowest button on the coat popped off, but he was too distracted to care.

--Shit.--

'Nicely done, Lex,' he berated himself aloud. 'Fall in love with your best friend - no, your *only* friend. Wait, no; your first, best, only, and *sixteen year old* friend.' He resisted the urge to slap himself on the forehead, settling instead for rubbing his hairless head in desperation. 

--Out of all the ways to ruin the only good thing in life, you have to chose that.--

'Sometimes I really hate you,' he sighed.

There was a quiet thump from behind him, followed by a choked, 'What?'

Even as he whipped his head round in horrified, stomach dropping shock, Lex knew who it would be.

--Oh holy fuck.--

He swallowed heavily. 'Clark.'

You'd think that after almost a year of this boy turning up whenever Lex needed help, he could just let *one* day slide. But no. There he was again. 

Only, he looked like someone else.

The usual fixtures of jeans and shirt, with wavy black hair lifting in the breeze to stick out in most directions, were there. But the pretty face was slack; eyes impossibly wide, mouth partly open, and his large, calloused hands hung limply by his sides from where he'd dropped his school bag to the ground in shock.

There was an empty look in his eyes that Lex wished he'd never seen, even more than he wished he'd just got back into his car and not walked into this field - which was supposed to be his fucking *safe haven*!

--Damn treacherous place.

I hate corn fields.--

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	2. Something Very Major

Part Two: Something Very Major

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He scrambled gracelessly to his feet. 'Clark, I-'

'You love me?'

Lex stopped. Clark's voice betrayed no emotions, but at least he could speak. 

Lex found he couldn't.

The eyes were still a void. 'You love me...and you *hate* it.'

Looking suddenly at the ground, Clark stepped back as if he was wounded. 

He looked like he might be sick. 

--I'm disgusting him.-- 

You see? You *see* what happens?!

After a moment's struggle, Lex found his voice. 'I'm sorry.' 

--I'm sorry for loving you. I can't help it.--

Empty eyes caught Lex in their barren gaze again. 'Why did you come here? To reprimand yourself over it?'

'I came here because I know I had to think. Because I have to think; of a way to stop it.' 

Lex knew he sounded desperate, but he was realising all at once how important this friend was to him, more than anything; and he frantically tried to convince the boy what he'd been trying to convince himself. 

'I will stop it; I'll get over it. I will.'

--Just please don't stop being there. Look at me like that if you have to; just don't leave me.--

Clark flinched, stepped back again. After a pause his silent decision was made, and he bent slightly, grabbing his bag and bringing it up to clutch against his chest like a shield. 'I have to go.'

Too late, Lex.

--I've lost him.--

The blood ran chill in Lex's veins. 

That was it then. No chance to get over it, as if he ever could, because there'd be nothing left at the end, now. The only thing Lex had left was a chance to explain. 

'Clark; I never planned this. I've never felt like this before, and I-'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

The sudden emotion; the palpatable hurt in Clark's ragged voice shocked Lex; but his mouth answered anyway, as if of it's own volition.

'Because you'd look at me like you are now.'

Heavy eyelashes blinked rapidly, but Clark still didn't remove his undecipherable gaze. 'How did you expect me to look at you, Lex? You tell me something like that, and want me to...what, be *happy*?!' 

--Oh god.--

'I wasn't sure how you'd react; but I guessed that I'd probably end up feeling like shit. And I do.' He gave a humourless laugh. 'It was never a good idea, but whatever happens your Dad will probably kill me, so relax.'

'Yeah, well,' Clark spat, viciously dusting soil off his bag. 'He's always reacted pretty badly to people that hurt me, what else did you expect?'

Lex was silent for a moment; but he was beginning to get angry. 

--Might as well just go with it. Its not like I can push him any further away.--

'You know that's really not fair, Clark. I told you; I didn't *plan* to fall in love with you; it wasn't like some ploy to hurt you. And you know, this isn't exactly the way I envisaged myself ever telling you how I feel - not that I was ever sure if I *would* because I knew you'd hate me for it.' 

'No more than you hate yourself for it.' Clark turned away, and began to march back through the corn stalks.

He's leaving me. 

--I'm afraid again.--

Lex wanted to shut his eyes, but wouldn't, so instead he turned away.

'Of course I hate that I've hurt you, Clark. That's what happens when you're in love.'

The rustling stopped.

'What?'

Lex sighed, bracing himself. 'What now, Clark?'

At once there was a slight gust of air, and he became aware of someone standing next to him. 'You hate yourself because you've hurt me?'

Lex's chest hitched painfully, and he turned back to face the boy. 'Rub it in, why don't you? Once wasn't enough, you just have t-'

'Lex, shut up.' A hand pressed over his mouth, and Lex's eyes widened in surprise, staring at the face six inches from his own. 

--His skin's so *warm*.--

Even as his heart was breaking Lex wanted to lick the fingers. However, the expression on Clark's face distracted him momentarily, for the teen was gazing at him with an intensity as he removed his hand, that told him Something Very Major was about to happen. 

'Do...' Clark blinked, took a quick breath, and continued. 'Do you love me?'

--Oh. That's it?--

'I think we've about established that, Clark.'

'No - well, I mean; yeah, we have, obviously, that was the whole point of the conversation-'

Lex tried not to groan. Clark babble; it was adorable. --You're killing me here.--

'-but, er...do you mind about it?'

'What?'

Clark gave a frustrated sigh.

--Oh, *you're* frustrated? Try dreaming of you all wet and leaning over me every night for three weeks.--

'You've been apologising for the past half an hour for despising how you feel, and telling me how you're gonna get over it because you *hate* being in love with me, right?'

--What?!--

Lex spluttered. 'No! I've been apologising because I completely disgusted you by telling you how I feel, and I hate that I made you feel so horrible!'

The stare turned from intense, to completely dumbstruck.

'...*Oh*.'

Lex stopped breathing.

--Something Very Major just happened.--

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	3. Silly

Part Three: Silly

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Lex licked his dry lips. 'Clark...do...wh...don't you mind?'

'Mind?' Clark goggled at him for a moment; and then he began to laugh.

Hysterically.

Within a few seconds the dark haired boy was clutching at his stomach, face screwed up, and giggling maniacally. 

Lex found it very disturbing, folding his arms as Clark hunched over, wheezing, and mumbling between breaths about being an idiot, and then something else about bricks.

'Clark; are you alright?'

The teen gasped, wiped his eyes, and straightened again. There was still a smile on his features, but it faded softly as he looked hard at Lex for what felt like forever.

'Yes, Lex,' he finally replied. 'I'm alright.'

Lex unfolded his arms. 'Right, well; good to kn--'

'I love you.'

'--owWHAT?!'

Lex gaped at the boy. 'You...you love me?'

Wobbly Clark grin. 'Yes.'

--Oh.--

'...Oh.'

A shaky breath, with slightly stronger Clark grin, if that was possible. 'Yeah.'

The billionaire swallowed. 'W-' He croaked, grimaced, and tried again. 'Why didn't you say that before?' 

Clark looked a little affronted. 'I thought you meant you were in love with me but you hated it! I wasn't exactly going to tell you then. I...' He ducked his face a little, and blushed. 'I had a slightly less heart wrenching, more t-tender kind of moment in mind.' 

'...Oh.' Lex blinked. 

Clark looked up at him through his lashes shyly. 'Yeah.'

Normally, that pose, coupled with everything the boy has just said, would have made Lex's mouth go dry; but he was really seeing something else. The way that gaze had been. 

Dead.

--I did that.--

'Clark...I'm sorry; I didn't realise.' 

He suddenly felt very sick, and found he couldn't look at Clark anymore.

'God, I...I must have been *killing* you.' 

--My fault.--

'I can't believe I said that; I'm so fucking *stupid*!...' Even though his asthma had disappeared fifteen years previously, his chest was constricting painfully, and his words rapidly begun to decline into painful gasps which he *knew* was melodramatic but Clark's face had been so *hollow*. 'I'm sorry, I...' 

Hands grasped at his shoulders gently, trying to calm him. 

'Lex, hey, its ok! *Breathe*!...'

'But I-'

'Look; I was doing the same to you.' He shrugged bemusedly, but Lex shook his head stubbornly, trying to back up.

'No; I *knew*! I knew that I'd hurt you; and here I have already!' He managed to wrench out of the boy's soft grasp and took a couple of steps back, fighting to get his breath again. 'This is why I came here; *this* is why I've been trying not to think of you. It...it's stupid, it can't work. I-' He swallowed, stopped babbling, and looked Clark straight in the face. 'No. *No*.'

'W...what do you mean?' Clark looked very young, suddenly. 'Lex?'

--So young...--

'I can't. It...it's wrong.'

Looking down, Lex fumbled to pull the tails of his jacket together where the button was missing, and brushed the dust from his pants. 'I have to go.'

'*What*?!'

Another gust of wind; and when Lex looked up Clark was blocking the way. 

'This is ridiculous; you refuse to try and be with me because you think you might *hurt* me?'

Lex tried to avoid his eye, but it wasn't working very well, unless he stared steadfastly down at the floor again. So he did. 

'Yes. I'm bad for people, Clark; I'd ruin things for you.'

'Bullshit.'

And gasping, his bald head shot up to look straight at Clark, because he'd *never* heard him cuss.

'I could just as easily fuck you up as you could me.'

Lex tried very hard not to giggle insanely at the coarse language; Clark had already done the hysterics. Instead he took a moment, sobering himself - it wasn't difficult - and relayed his thoughts to the boy with a more usual calm Lex exterior.

'That doesn't matter, Clark. Think about your friends, your family; your *Dad*. Hell, think about *my* Dad!'

--Cause I sure as fuck don't want to.--

'Think about everything that'll happen, and tell me you *really* want to get into anything with *me*.'

Clark was silent. 

'There. You see what I mean.'

He turned away; but with a ~whoosh~ Clark was in his path once more. 

'That's not why I was quiet. I didn't say anything because I'm not really sure *who* I'm talking to anymore.' 

Lex idly observed that a) if he clenched his jaw any tighter it might break, and b) Clark was really a *very* quick mover; but the thoughts disappeared quickly, because Clark's words were hitting him like porsches at 60mph. 

'You aren't the Lex Luthor I know. He thinks for himself. He doesn't give a shit about what others think, or let anyone else decide things for him. But *you*...you're letting everyone else think for you.' 

The eyes were going empty again, and it broke something inside Lex as he stared at them.

'I don't know you.'

'Neither do I,' Lex whispered, and then bit his tongue.

--Oh, great. That's it then; there goes the Luthor we all know and piss our pants at, please welcome Insecure Al.--

Only...Only he couldn't stop the words from tumbling from his mouth in a hoarse voice. It seemed somehow easier to just keep going; and that was stupider than anything he'd ever thought of in his life but it didn't really seem to *matter* any more.

'Who am I, Clark? I don't *know* anymore. When I'm with you...you make me forget myself.'

Clark was very still. The usually twitchy, energetic sixteen year old was hushed and immobile, looking at the ground as Lex had been doing a few moments before; and he didn't even flinch as the twenty-two year old clutched at his locked shoulders somewhat frantically.

'Who am I, if not Lex Luthor; defined by the four "b"s - bald, billionaire, bastard businessman? Clark? Come on; gimme some more ideas! Tell me who to be!'

He was shouting, and knew he'd lost it. 

--Not that you'd ever have had anything to lose; cause you're too god-damn scared to even try.--

'Who can I possibly be?!'

'Lex. Be *Lex*.'

The man in question jumped at the soft but insistent voice, startled. 

- He'd shut his eyes and not even realised. 

But even as he began to force himself to open them in disgust, clenching his fists so tightly the manicured fingernails cut into his thin palms, he suddenly found himself being hugged fiercely by Clark. Strong arms wrapped around him with incredibly tight, but strangely comforting, force, and he felt more than heard the words he then realised he'd wanted to hear since this wonderful, crazy, ever so young but ever such a *man* already, boy, had become the most blindingly important thing in Lex's life.

'Forget everyone else for once. Just-be-Lex.' 

His heart stopped for exactly one second. Momentarily frozen in the embrace; then Lex made his decision.

  
  


He kept his eyes shut. 

Screwed them tighter shut, even, and pressed his face into the soft flannel shirt in front of him, letting out one stubborn tear that refused to go away.

--I'm afraid.--

But this Lex knew he was allowed to be. 

However; like a crack in the hoover dam, some tiny, unseen things lead to bigger, far wetter things. Such as the torrent of full, tremulous sobs, accompanied by gasping cries, that he'd begun to make.

--Ah, crap.--

It wasn't like he'd never cried before, or hadn't recently, even; it was just that this time he couldn't *stop* himself - and didn't really want to. There were too many reasons to keep going; so he pressed his face tighter against Clark's neck, and did. He cried because he felt so *misplaced*, everyone always looking over his head (or only at it) even though he'd inherited his father's height and towered over most of them. Because he was such a coward, and he knew it. Because he felt desperately, stomach-knawingly alone; because he missed his mother; and because he'd almost missed out on *this*.

But mostly, he was blubbering in the arms he'd loved for over a year because the confused, lonely boy in this field desperately trying not to shut his eyes again had ended up, 13 years later, in the same field still trying to keep them open, and just as confused and lonely a man.

...Or had he? Oh, he was confused; why else would he come *here*?! But lonely? 

The fact that Lex could hardly breathe served to press home the point that he was *far* from alone. The arms around him were very solid, very real, and very safe (not to mention very tight). 

-...Huh.--

And then it made sense. 

--This isn't being lost. This is being found.--

He took a breath, blinked open his eyes, swallowed...and was able to keep them open.

--Look at me. I'm a lovestruck 22 year old, who's been bawling like a baby.

And I *like* it.--

Clark cupped the back of his head as he soothed him, his soft, soft lips pressed to Lex's pale temple while the man's sniffles finally subsided. 

After a few minutes, his eyes still open but fuzzy from focussing on check-pattern shirt an inch from them, Lex heaved a gasping breath, and wriggled in the embrace to wipe at his nose. 'God,' he murmured, still trembling, but with more of the characteristic, cynical wit to his voice that was *always* gonna be him. 'I'm so silly.'

'Yes, you are,' Clark breathed, not loosening his grip as he rubbed Lex's back; and when Lex felt the lips curve into a smile against his skin, and the chuckle echo through him, he decided that he wanted to feel that on his stomach next. 

First, however, he hiccuped, and pulled back slightly from the embrace; revealing a wavering grin that had appeared on his face - because he'd come to a conclusion and wanted to share it.

'No, you don't understand. That's *me*. I...I get it now. Sometimes, I'm silly.' 

He was awed. And perhaps even more shell shocked than after he'd lost his hair, which was *truly* saying something. 

As Clark raised his eyebrows at him Lex stepped back, grin strengthening, and held out a polite hand in his familiar way, because his mother had brought him up well. 'Hi. I'm Occasionally Silly Lex.'

Clark's lips quirked very attractively as he took the extended hand. 'Well, Occasionally Silly Lex; it's...nice to meet you.'

'Likewise,' Lex gave it a firm shake, 'but you're forgetting something.'

A Clark frown now. 'I am?'

'Yep. *You*-' Lex pointed with the fingers of his free hand '-thought I hated being in love with you; you're just as stupid as I am.'

'Right. So...I'm supposed to say, "Hi, I'm Occasionally Silly Clark?"'

'No!' Lex pouted, knowing full well the radical change to the tone and the way he was acting was absurd; but that was the whole point - a Luthor is always proud of, and lives up to, his name. 

--Only I'm talking about the first one, Dad.-- 

'Silly's *my* name, you can't have it. You can be...*Adorably*-' he emphasised the word with an eyebrow that spoke volumes '-Idiotic Clark.'

And Clark laughed again, dark head thrown back and body shaking with mirth, the movement carried down his arm to the slim hand still held in his.

'Right; okay.' The teen composed himself and looked back down to Lex. 'I'm *Adorably* Idiotic Clark.' In return to the silent eyebrow challenge, he purred the word; and Lex's knees buckled. 

His seemingly constant grin grew as Clark instigated the handshake again, which Lex returned wearing his own, extremely pleasantly surprised, smile as he accepted it.

--Young; but *not* quite so innocent...--

And then, his grin softening, Clark tugged on the hand, pulling Lex back up against his broad chest - and when he was wonderfully close, took a hesitant breath, bit his newly trembling lip nervously yet smiled anyway at the same time, and with utmost trust let his blue eyes fall shut. 

'Now kiss me,' he breathed. 

And without being silly at all, Lex did. 

--------  
  
  



	4. Epilogue - Autopilot

Epilogue: Autopilot

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Right. Ok. Brakes now. Try not to crash into your house.

--I kissed Clark.--

Brakes, Lex! 

--I kissed Clark.--

Okay. Shift gears into neutral.

--I - kissed - *Clark*.--

Turn off engine. 

--Clark kissed *me*.--

Exit car.  
  
--We kissed *a lot*.--

Silly grin, but don't fall over.

--Clark loves me.-- 

Woah! ...Ok, miraculously manage to stay on feet. Nice.

--Clark *loves* me.--

Float across driveway and fumble with key to get inside.

--I love Clark.--  
  
Push door shut behind you, kick off shoes.

--I'm in *love*. Me!--

Drift towards stairs.

-Me who is me - occasionally silly, and doesn't need to give a shit about what anyone's gonna say, 'cause he'll look after me.--

Begin to climb.

--Hey; I'm whipped!--

Pause, find this is disturbingly okay with you, decide to worry about that later and continue, crossing landing to bedroom, shedding jacket, shirt and pants on floor outside.

--I'm Lex Luthor... --

Wave distractedly at manservant as he comes round corner, stutters and tries not to look at your boxer-clad nether regions.

-- ...and I'm in love with Clark Kent.--

Wonder suddenly as open door why you feel colder than you should be; remember are not wearing boxers any more.

--Who is decidedly naughty.--

Giggle.

'M-Ma...*cough*...Master Luthor?' 

Turn round, lean against doorframe nonchalantly, smile when he looks up from picking up clothes and has mini aneurism. Look vaguely interested.

'I-If you want to wear these tomorrow, I'm afraid you won't be able to.'

Raise eyebrow questioningly.

'You see, even this fresh, rubbed in cornstalk marks are notoriously difficult to scrub out.'

Nod; grin stupidly, wander through bedroom door towards ensuite.

--I love corn fields.--  
  


END


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